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The View From Highland Ranch (Syndicated Column)

"Duck, Duck, Goose!" Homeland Security and duct tape

The View From Highland Ranch

By John McCormick

Duck and Cover! (Or, is that Duck, Duck, Goose!)

Well, we're ready for a terrorist attack here at Highland. Yesterday I issued garbage bags and duct tape to Jack and showed him how to cover his family with the plastic.

He just laughed and looked for a piece of sugar. That got me to thinking that a big plastic bag might not offer complete protection against chemical, biological, or radiation attacks even if that's what the government has told us to do.

In the 60s, we practiced getting under school desks if a nuclear device happened to go off in our vicinity. And adults wonder why kids don't trust schools?

Duck and cover was supposed to give kids a sense of control and reduce anxiety but all it did was scare the beejesus out of us since TV news was always showing what happens to buildings in a nuclear blast.

That's not what we're facing now but when I heard a government agency tell people to protect themselves against anthrax or mustard gas with plastic sheeting and duct tape, I thought it was a joke.

Until I saw people on the news actually taping windows shut, I never believed any one smart enough to find their way to a hardware store would fall for this load of what Jack leaves in the corner of his barn.

Besides, if it's all used up in foolishness, what's going to happen to all of us who use duct tape to hold our farms together? This is a VITAL commodity, people! Don't waste it!

I wanted to shake these people and ask them why, during the dead of winter, they didn't just see if cold air was blowing in and, if it was, why they had waited until now to fix the leaks?

In Israel people prepare a sealed room to block poison gas just until they can don gas masks. That makes sense in Israel, but not in NYC unless they issue 8 million gas masks.

Without the gas masks, there are only three possibilities. First, you are far enough away that you were safe anyway.

Second, you don't seal your "safe" room completely enough to keep out poison gas or aerosol infections and you die.

Or, third, you actually do seal the room up completely; get your family inside for six hours, and die of asphyxiation.

I agree with the recommendations to keep a battery-operated radio, flashlight, blankets, and food and water for three days. But, what idiot hasn't already done that in mid-winter?

The government is trying to stop terrorists and they feel the need to at least appear to be doing something on a personal protection level but why update duck and cover to the 21st century? Was it to use up more petroleum-based material during an oil crisis? Did anyone hand Mrs. Bush a roll of duct tape?

The only real defense is not to be at ground zero and we don't know where that will be!

Why doesn't the nightly news remind us that Americans are much more likely to die if they ride a motorcycle or don't wear a seat belt?

People died on 9/11 but you personally are more likely to die because someone used a cell phone while driving.

Don't scare your kids into having nightmares. Just turn off the nightly news, which mostly has no more relevance to their daily lives than Joe Millionaire has. Read a newspaper. That won't scare them as much because it doesn't include graphic video. Explain that some people try to scare us for their own purposes. Explain that terrorism is a danger but chasing a ball into the street is more dangerous.

Know anyone who has died in a car accident? Of smoking? Of heart attacks? From being chewed up by farm equipment? Or as a result of super-sizing their meals and themselves?

How many people do you personally know who were killed by terrorists? The CDC says that 36,000 people die of complications from the flu every year, and we have a vaccine for that. About 3,000 died because of terrorists on 9/11. The CDC (cdc.gov) says about 1,300 died on 9/11 from tobacco-related causes.

Second-hand smoke is more likely to kill you than a car accident, AIDS, or a firearm COMBINED. The Journal of the AMA (July 26, 2000) says 12,000 people die every year from unnecessary surgery and 80,000 from catching an infection while in a hospital.

Use common sense when preparing your home for a terrorist attack and when talking to your kids. Politicians are incapable of common sense. Once you cross inside The Washington Beltway, all common sense evaporates and your eyes fill with $$ signs.

By the way, I checked back later and Jack's son, Hoti, had eaten half a roll of duct tape and had a bellyache how ironic. You shouldn't swallow this duct tape idiocy either.

If we have a serious terrorist attack in a major city, more people will probably die from sleeping in a sealed room and using candles for heat.

Out here in rural America we're pretty safe from most of this anyway and I hope all of you are telling your kids that. Don't waste your life thinking about terrorists. If you do, they win.

Note to editors and publishers, my column, "The View From Highland Ranch," is available for syndication.



	The View From Highland Ranch (Syndicated Column)


		"Duck, Duck, Goose!" Homeland Security and duct tape


The View From Highland Ranch By John McCormick Duck and Cover! (Or, is that Duck, Duck, Goose!) Well, we're ready for a terrorist attack here at Highland. Yesterday I issued garbage bags and duct tape to Jack and showed him how to cover his family with the plastic. He just laughed and looked for a piece of sugar. That got me to thinking that a big plastic bag might not offer complete protection against chemical, biological, or radiation attacks even if that's what the government has told us to do. In the 60s, we practiced getting under school desks if a nuclear device happened to go off in our vicinity. And adults wonder why kids don't trust schools? Duck and cover was supposed to give kids a sense of control and reduce anxiety but all it did was scare the beejesus out of us since TV news was always showing what happens to buildings in a nuclear blast. That's not what we're facing now but when I heard a government agency tell people to protect themselves against anthrax or mustard gas with plastic sheeting and duct tape, I thought it was a joke. Until I saw people on the news actually taping windows shut, I never believed any one smart enough to find their way to a hardware store would fall for this load of what Jack leaves in the corner of his barn. Besides, if it's all used up in foolishness, what's going to happen to all of us who use duct tape to hold our farms together? This is a VITAL commodity, people! Don't waste it! I wanted to shake these people and ask them why, during the dead of winter, they didn't just see if cold air was blowing in and, if it was, why they had waited until now to fix the leaks? In Israel people prepare a sealed room to block poison gas just until they can don gas masks. That makes sense in Israel, but not in NYC unless they issue 8 million gas masks. Without the gas masks, there are only three possibilities. First, you are far enough away that you were safe anyway. Second, you don't seal your "safe" room completely enough to keep out poison gas or aerosol infections and you die. Or, third, you actually do seal the room up completely; get your family inside for six hours, and die of asphyxiation.
			I agree with the recommendations to keep a battery-operated radio, flashlight, blankets, and food and water for three days. But, what idiot hasn't already done that in mid-winter? The government is trying to stop terrorists and they feel the need to at least appear to be doing something on a personal protection level but why update duck and cover to the 21st century? Was it to use up more petroleum-based material during an oil crisis? Did anyone hand Mrs. Bush a roll of duct tape? The only real defense is not to be at ground zero and we don't know where that will be! Why doesn't the nightly news remind us that Americans are much more likely to die if they ride a motorcycle or don't wear a seat belt? People died on 9/11 but you personally are more likely to die because someone used a cell phone while driving. Don't scare your kids into having nightmares. Just turn off the nightly news, which mostly has no more relevance to their daily lives than Joe Millionaire has. Read a newspaper. That won't scare them as much because it doesn't include graphic video. Explain that some people try to scare us for their own purposes. Explain that terrorism is a danger but chasing a ball into the street is more dangerous. Reality Check Know anyone who has died in a car accident? Of smoking? Of heart attacks? From being chewed up by farm equipment? Or as a result of super-sizing their meals and themselves? How many people do you personally know who were killed by terrorists? The CDC says that 36,000 people die of complications from the flu every year, and we have a vaccine for that. About 3,000 died because of terrorists on 9/11. The CDC (cdc.gov) says about 1,300 died on 9/11 from tobacco-related causes. Second-hand smoke is more likely to kill you than a car accident, AIDS, or a firearm COMBINED. The Journal of the AMA (July 26, 2000) says 12,000 people die every year from unnecessary surgery and 80,000 from catching an infection while in a hospital. Use common sense when preparing your home for a terrorist attack and when talking to your kids. Politicians are incapable of common sense. Once you cross inside The Washington Beltway, all common sense evaporates and your eyes fill with $$ signs. By the way, I checked back later and Jack's son, Hoti, had eaten half a roll of duct tape and had a bellyache how ironic. You shouldn't swallow this duct tape idiocy either. If we have a serious terrorist attack in a major city, more people will probably die from sleeping in a sealed room and using candles for heat. Out here in rural America we're pretty safe from most of this anyway and I hope all of you are telling your kids that. Don't waste your life thinking about terrorists. If you do, they win. Copyright, 2003 John A. McCormick, Inc. Note to editors and publishers, my column, "The View From Highland Ranch," is available for syndication.